First Time Mother Diaries

human relationships are messy. my uncle didn't return the call, someone i regarded as if my own father and a very kind hearted girl i met at the apartment had just removed me from her instagram. i am hurt. i am thinking what i did wrong. also the mum group has been bugging me a bit since i dont get any response to any of the advice i share which i thought could help someone. i have to tell myself that adult relationsihps are complex. very. also are messy. not perfect. people are far more isolated. everyone has close circles. no one trusts each other. i think it's me that's super open and always tmi they say too much information = tmi. human relationships are messy. i tried with teh girl at the apartment. i am wondering if i told anything wrong. i don't know. but going after her would be awkward. i don't know what to do. i wanted to be there for her but she was not very approachable or close. she was kind. i think this is the lesson. just because people are kind ...

I feel so relaxed to have Jenifer here for hours today. She has been watching the baby for hours. I was able to get some sleep. and now blogging. i have realized how important it is to have rest. with capital one delays, i don't want to risk depositing avpoint check into that acocunt. this means i will have to wait another month to deposit the other half of the check. currently i am at 76k. wkth this it's goign to be about 96k. man i never thought i will make almost 100k in 2 years. it's insane. and this is when i am underpaid. i could have made a lot more. i do need to push through and somehow pass my cissp. have been trying to digest my cissp textbook for days adn it's so hard to focus with a baby. like he distracts me so much and it's so annoying. he won't nap. the momoent he feels i am desperate to get him to nap, he gets worse. he thrives when my energy is more relaxed and calm. that makes him happy. poor little baby. i love him. such a sweet baby. i want...

the biggest problem with motherhood is how to allocate time or how to manage time. i need to get back into the habit of regularly writing this blog so that i can regulate my emotions better. i grew up telling everything to my mother. the best days of my life were the time i spent with my mother. it was rejoicing even though financially it was not the best of the times. this also made me realize money does not get you everything. it's the person, the situation, the environment and the feelings they cultivate in you through all that. i learned impactful parenting through my mother. she made me feel important and heard. so was my brother. he was flourishing in her care. i try to use her practices and be more hands on unlike the us mothers. the manhattan mum group is mostly into american parenting. i do learn from the group but the parenting techniques are very systematic and different to what we practice, the informal practices. for instance they would cite so much research in that c...

Crazy to think I started writing this blog in my teenage years.I am 36 now. Have a loving, handsome, educated and a very intelligent husband. HAve a beautiful baby boy. Crazy how life changes. The energy drainers in my life had been brother and now the manhattan mum group which i am unable to ignore because the notifications still pop up even when i have muted. somtimes i feel like an asshole because i am not helping any of my uncles. i dont honestly know how to help. they don't verbalize where they need help. and ajantha mama hates me for leaving his house. i do regret looking back. at least i should have left in good terms. this is also a good lesson to learn. always be in good terms with people. u never know when u would need them or u at least want peace. i am glad i am still in good terms with rana even though i don't want to continue my friendship with her. it's a toxic friendship. she thinks i need help or i am a child. she is more fucked up than i am. honestly, she ...