Adulting

Crazy to think I started writing this blog in my teenage years.I am 36 now. Have a loving, handsome, educated and a very intelligent husband. HAve a beautiful baby boy. Crazy how life changes. The energy drainers in my life had been brother and now the manhattan mum group which i am unable to ignore because the notifications still pop up even when i have muted. somtimes i feel like an asshole because i am not helping any of my uncles. i dont honestly know how to help. they don't verbalize where they need help. and ajantha mama hates me for leaving his house. i do regret looking back. at least i should have left in good terms. this is also a good lesson to learn. always be in good terms with people. u never know when u would need them or u at least want peace. i am glad i am still in good terms with rana even though i don't want to continue my friendship with her. it's a toxic friendship. she thinks i need help or i am a child. she is more fucked up than i am. honestly, she is broken. never getting married and living alone. i am sad for her. she was abused as a child by her mother. u would never know because our society didn't know how to recognize those back in the day.honestly it's been 2 decades now. i still remember the days i used to sit with arundathi at the school computer lab and was going through hi5 profiles of guys, foreigners and trying to understand their lives. we lived in a bubble. i did live in a bubble amid all the targedies. the transition from that bubble to corporate was traumatic. and it happend with no support or guidance, mentoring. it was brutal. i was successful in the bubble but the corporate required a lot more. my biggest need is rent and childcare and teh ability to afford those expenses. currently i can't. i pay the full rent and i just don't have anything left. i am not even paid well in my current job but can't make a move becaues of my green card processing status. i think what i need to do is to speed up things and file for my marriage based green card and the ead. i remember leila sayign it took her like 2 years to get the ead. i wish steve can contribute more.