update
I know yesterday could have been a day my parents would have been very proud of. I accomplished a lot. I moderated a panel session among experts for the first time. instead i came home to a yelling angry husband who was calling me stupid etc. because 1. i lost my phone in uber 2. i hired a nanny who did not perform the duties as assigned. these two variables are beyond my control. there are 100 ways things can go wrong. nothing is 100% controllable. it was scary how he was yelling and i realized the more i talk, the worse it gets. i decided to stay silent. it's almost like unrecognizable who i married or decided to live my life with. it was scary. i thought he would hit me but he did not. for a moment i realized alonna could have been right. she constantly called him abusive. i never thought he was. i am still not sure. i celebrated my own moment. i pictured my parents being so happy and proud of me. i enjoyed seeing them so proud of me and what i have become. they are the reason i...