First Time Mother Diaries

Feel like everything is a mess. My laptop is broken. i threw away all my makeup. i need some help tonight.

in another world, i will have my mum, my dad, and my brother, healthy, educated, successful, reserved and strong. In another world, none of these things may have happened. In another world, I would have lived in Sri Lanka. Wouold never had the need to move abroad , go through all these struggles and start over. Growing up since a child, I always had this vision where my family had a fancy Jeep and we were all in it, driving around Kandy town. In another world, my father would never have dropped my mother off at grandma's. What happened between mum and dad was a power struggle. Men don't think with emotions. They think with logic or whatever. Men will do whatever it takes to have power. Even if it costs the happiness and health of children, men will stick to their decisions. Just like today when I said i WON'T take the baby even if he cries so mcuh wanting to nurse if it's beyond my schedule, steve was fine with it. because he wants to have a schedule. you see, i have to...

I have therapy tomorrow. Can't wait. I have been thinking about brother a lot too. I still can't imagine what happened to him. like how? how can that happen to anyone? especailly to my brother who was set up for success by my parents? I mean not entirely, he was a target of parental neglect, especially by my father. During those 5 years, we were separated from my mum, we were subject to horrendous abuse by servants and my father both. Father's intentions were love but the servants were evil. I resorted to an isolated life. We hardly spoke about what we were facing at home. I slightly remember servants hiding our pencils so that we can't go to class to learn. Also them stealing, hitting, punishing and so on. Why would someone do that? I like blogging because America is a very private place. I feel embarrassed of outpouring these experiences to a mum group in a public chat. I don't want to do that again. Tht'S WHY most people stay quiet in that chat and suffer in ...