Update

I miss my mother a lot. She would have been very loving, caring and kind. Would have helped us a lot in this whole new born baby situation. I know my baby would have loved her and she would have loved the baby like hell. She loves sons a lot. Life. Everything happens for a reason. I lost my parents so that I would know how strong I am. God wanted me to know HOW strong I am (even though I dont believe in christianity). Whatever that's out there wanted to test me and I SURVIVED. Maybe people like me are not meant to have kids. It was not in my plan as such even though I loved it. It felt like I will never marry but then I did marry. Steve said he has depression. Due to my anxiety, occassionally I try psychic readings and horoscope checking. Two psychics said I will relocate due to work and that is giving me even more anxiety now. Some of their readings are of course not accurate. They said I will get promoted at Justworks and they also said I will get promoted at AvePoint. Instead I got fired at AvePoint. They are horribly wrong. I don't think I should take them seriously. I should plan based on what I can do RIGHT NOW. Relocation is not an option due to fianncial and immigration reasons. MN and the thought of relocating to a racist state makes me depressed. I lived in those states for years with no progress. Absolutely depressing and racist. It's not for me. I think my priority is to find mum groups. Join them and seek support immediately and as soon as possible. This is not easy and definitely can't do it all alone. Maybe celebrate small wins too. I figured out the baby carrier myself. Started takign walks with him. Yay! I also cleaned the entire house. Gave baby a bath. Yes! I can't even remember what I was doing in day tijme. Well I cooked chicken. Waste of time since Steve didn't like it. Did laundry. I don't know how I am doing it all but it will be ok. We are all in a transition period and it's not forever. This too shall pass..yes..

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