Update

Coming here to write about hte day has been very helpful. I miss my mum everyday.I envision how much she would have helped me today. You know what, when she died what I missed the most was not her help but just having her there. Even when she couldn't do anything at all, or couldn't even move, having her there gave me so much strength to go out there and to slay the dragons that were trying to destroy us/me. Life has always been one of those back then, where I go outside and fight. Constant warfare. Fight for survival, fight to get things done, fight to protect myself, fight to protect the people I love, properties of my parents and so on. Now it's different. Life is slow. As in, it's not less busy because now I am still busy but right now it's just about getting things done and there is no fear of dying from hunger or homelessness, at least for now. It's more about paying the rent, making sure the baby is fed and so on. Having Steve is an enormous stregnth. I don't even know why I was thinking of becoming a single parent. It's just having him there, like mum. I know he is always there. He loves fiercely, he protects until death and he is noble. I am very very lucky. This is the best thing that happened in my life apart from having committed, loving and hardworking parents. I am thinking of bringing my brother here. Keeping him in rehbab for a year. I am terrified about my job situation. Have been trying to find a job for the past 2 months but it's been so hard. I don't know what is going on. I need to be confident in my skills. Worst case scenario, I watch kids and pay my rent while building up my business. I can't change Steve. Sometiems I wish he was this driven, excelling man. But he has issues to resolve. He won't become his best until he resolves the issues.